A Monday Morning Episode
by Selenite
Summary: Maybe oneshot, maybe not. Story takes place somewhere during the fifth book. Sirius wakes up after some drinking, is really bored and does crazy things. But suddenly an unpleasant visitor is there...


**Disclaimer:** _The story of Harry Potter, its' characters and locations are not mine, but J. K. Rowlings'_

**A Monday Morning Episode**

The musty air above a shabby blanket suddenly shook, whirled and rose up like a heavy old vulture. Thin sunbeams began to lit the dim room as they forged their way between the wooden boards fixed with nails to the window. The light woke up a lanky, skinny man, whose long raven hair were stuck all over his face, including his mouth.

This man, his age somewhere in the mid-way of the miserable journey between the thirtieth and fortieth year of his life, used a huge power of his will to forge his eyelids to open a bit.

He watched a rusty nail sticking out from one of the boards, then he turned on his back. He opened his eyes fully and looked at the ceiling, then at the yellowed walls with a dull pale flower pattern.

With one effective kick he removed the blanket and stood up from the screeching bed. He pulled automatically his rolled underwear on and looked to the mirror. His reflection showed a promising career of a rocker on drugs.

Sirius chuckled, slightly amused, and headed to the kitchen.

Looking at this kitchen, you would realize that you hadn't any idea where to put away the used dishes, rests of food, clothes, shoes, cigarette lighters, cigarettes, bottles, trash of any sort and hair gel.

Giving up looking for his wand he filled a kettle with water, washed one of the dirty cups and put two heaped tablespoons of coffee into it. He leaned against the kitchen unit, sighed and watched his dishevelled hair.

_What a boredom, _he mused. _Time for something... unusually amusing._

Then he saw a big, dirty knife. _Maybe I'll have some bread,_ he mused again and then, before he can think of what exactly he's doing, he took the knife and pierced his left palm.

_Aw..._

_What have I done?_ His scream spread the room and bounced from the walls back to him, returning his question. _What have you done?_

_Shut up! Be quiet!!_

_Quiet. _

_Silence._

He opened his eyes. He tried to get a bit accustomed to the pulsing pain and release the spasm. Holding his wrist, he fell to his knees and just breathed.

Someone knocked.

"Go away, dude." said Sirius to whomever this might have been.

"Open the door immediately! Crying like that! Did the rest of your sanity finally leave? What happened?" answered an acid voice.

"Ssss ... I'm telling you, go away! Right now I have ... no time for you!"

"Well, I am afraid that I cannot leave at this circumstances. I think I'll have to smash down your door. I'm counting to three. One, ... two, ... ..."

"All right, ALL RIGHT!! I'm going! But we'll talk just in the doorway, I've no intentions to invite you here!!" Sirius screamed and walked to the stairs to the hall. But after he entered the stairs, the pain caught him so strongly he couldn't stand straight and fell. He turned a few times and landed right before the entrance door.

He thought that he is still alive and did not pierced another parts of his body and considered it a pure miracle. He stood up and felt a new pain going from his neck across the left side of his chest to his left arm. Something streamed down his face.

He opened the door and faced a dark-eyed angry man of a strange eagle look with long, black and lank hair. His black coat was touching the ground. In summary, this man gave an impression of a decadent vampire clerk.

"If you cannot bear the consequences," began the stranger calmly, "then do not drink so much."

"I didn't drink anything! Do you want to smell?" Sirius asked curiously and tried to breathe at the other man.

However, the latter showed a disgusted face and backed off. "I do not need that, really." he answered the offer. Then he opened the door fully with a quick smooth motion and entered the hall.

His dark eyes widened a little when he saw Sirius' injured palm.

"And what does that mean?" asked the stranger maliciously as his eyes narrowed again.

"What exactly do you mean?" said Sirius evasively.

"Your hand. Your left palm pierced with a knife _exactly._ Oh, is this possibly true? My hypothesis got finally confirmed, you are insane!" his counterpart triumphed over his discovery.

"I'm not bloody insane! It was an accident, is that clear?"

"Perhaps I should verify your statement... ?" said the stranger quietly and placed his gaze firmly in Sirius' eyes.

"What the... don't try this stuff on me in my house, you hear?! You rather spill out now what did you come for, or ..."

"Or what? You will clap me on my back friendly with your ... upgraded hand?" said the guest calmly, rising his eyebrow.

"Oh yes, _my friend_, how did you know?" answered Sirius ironically.

"You are still looking in my eyes."

"Fuck you, be so kind."

"Aah, watch your language my little dog. Besides, your stupid insults cannot hurt me. However, this thing has to get out."

"What thing?" asked Sirius irritatedly.

"This knife!" shouted the comer and pointed at Sirius' hand.

"Why? I just like it there!" replied Sirius, smirking.

The comer smirked as a malicious psychiatrist would smirk to a hopeless case. "So be it. If you desire to die in horrible pain during the sepsis ..."

"Be so kind, just spare me of your bloody wonderful ideas." answered Sirius angrily.

"Well, that knife looks quite rusty and ratty – how expectable – so it can bring a splendid infection to you. I absolved many Healers courses, you can quite trust me in this case." explained the stranger, using not much interested expression.

After a while Sirius replied. "Mmm... come upstairs"

The comer smirked again. After they climbed the stairs they entered the small kitchen. To Sirius, everything began to seem a bit foggy.

"Let's see! It is... how to put it... lovely here." said the guest ironically as he looked around the room."So, shall we begin?"

"You want a coffee?" murumured Sirius, ignoring the question.

"No, I had one already."

"Tea then?"

"No."

"Cigarette? I've got, ... ah, look, here's the last one!" Sirius noted sadly looking in the packet.

"Give it to me and shut up. Here, sit down!" exclaimed the guest and pressed Sirius to the chair. Sirius didn't resisted and sat down, holding firmly his left wrist.

Then the stranger put the cigarette between his thin lips and took his wand. However, he saw a cigarette lighter laying on the table. _Ah, a good old Muggle lighter in_ _the good old Black's mansion! So what, I'll try it this once. _He put the wand back in his robes and picked up the lighter. He lighted the cigarette with a sweeping gesture, inhaled the smoke deep in his lungs and regarded Sirius in the eyes through the thin slots between his eyelids. After a while he deliberately breathed the smoke out through his nose and mouth.

"So you're trying something like hypnotize me, or what?" asked Sirius wearily.

"Why _something like_?" answered the comer and pulled the knife out of Sirius' palm swiftly. The latter didn't make a sound, nor moved. The blood began to flood his arm and drip on his thighs.

The comer reached in his robes for a small vial. He sprinkled Sirius' wound with the liquid from the vial, removed the blood using his wand and bandaged the injured palm with a handkerchief.

"It may begin to hurt after a while." said the comer as he gave the cigarette to Sirius, "Inhale the smoke... Wait, what is it?"

"Where?"

"Here, on your temple."

"Hah, don't know. Maybe I cut it while I was falling from the stairs."

"Hmmm... It looks quite strange..." said the guest curiously, then he took his wand again and put his knee on Sirius' thighs pushing him in the chair strongly.

"Hey, wait, what do you thing you're doing? Stop this climbing on me, right... hey... Aww!!"

"Why do you scream? It's all over now!"

"B.. but what?! Why did you climb on me like that?" asked Sirius, disgusted.

"Be so kind and shut up! You've broken your collarbone, you fool! I've straightened it, but I needed to take your focus off this before you could jerk. Now, " said the stranger importantly as he reached for another vial to his robes, "Open your mouth." then he poured the contents of the vial to Sirius' mouth. "Do not swallow yet." instructed the stranger as he took the third vial and put just one drop of its' contents on Sirius' tongue. "Swallow." Sirius did what he was told to.

"Don't talk, don't move, don't breathe for a moment. The bone should grow together now." said the stranger quickly.

Sirius suddenly felt an unpleasant pressure on his chest and shoulder. After a while the stranger touched Sirius' collarbone with his long fingers. "Good." he concluded.

Sirius exhaled, contended. Suddenly his counterpart took another handkerchief, poured a lot of a near standing vodka on it and begun to quite carelessly wipe Sirius' temple.

"Hey, that's enough I think, isn't it?" exclaimed Sirius a few moments later. "Why did you come, after all?"

The stranger sighed disgustedly. "Well, if you would not just drink and tease your two-dimensional mother, you could realize the fact that on Friday the parent-teacher association took place. Since you cannot come for the information yourself, I had to come all the way here in this ... hovel of yours and tell you that your dear godson is failing fatally at my subject again." he reported, then turned a completely objective tone on and looked at his fingernails casually, "Maybe you should... talk to him seriously."

"Well, I can talk to him as seriously as I can, but it is all worthless since he has such a prejudiced teacher!"

"May I beg your pardon? How could I ever be prejudiced? I am purely objective in grading my students. I try to lead them so they can realize their mistakes on their own and thus get rid of it more effectively. However," he stated in ironic disappointment, "I am not all-powerful. If he's _that_ dull, I'm afraid I can't do anything, can I?"

"Just what are you trying to say, you jerk?!" Sirius hissed menacingly.

"Aah, till this moment I was quite sure that the genetic heredity laws did not apply between godfathers and their godsons!" stated the teacher with ingratiating smile and raised his eyebrow.

"Stop this stupid twaddle, you git." Sirius hissed in reply again.

"As I stated before, insults coming from an easy individual like you cannot hurt me in any way. In addition I would like to mention another fact... well, not only your godson is that empty-headed and doesn't manage practically anything, he even disturbs others in my lessons, since he blabbers all the time with that redhead. Oh and by the way, if that dishevelled know-it-all girl wasn't telling them what to do each class, they would be both expelled a long time ago!"

"You know, it's just the advantage of having friends. Oh, but you've never experienced such a thing, am I right? Oh I'm so terribly sorry...!" answered Sirius in a very biting tone.

The stranger made an indistinct wheezing noise and his hands momentarily shook a little. Then he stated absolutely coldly: "If your intelligence hadn't dropped to absolute zero, you may understand that your hand and temple will need another treatment. Well, since there won't be anybody with a wand, perhaps I have to suggest visiting a Muggle surgery? So... will you manage to dress yourself or should I help you?"

"Get the fuck out of my house, now!"

"In that case, give my regards to that Muggles and do not forget to tell them that you're having here a big, ugly and quite ratty dog sometimes. You'll get a special vaccine as a bonus. Well, unlike other people, I have quite important things to do, so if you would kindly excuse me, I shall be leaving now. Have a really nice time... bye!" the guest replied in the most acid and biting tone he could and leaved the room quickly.

"Wait!" exclaimed Sirius when he heard the stairs creak. "I forgot something!" he shouted as he hurried to the stairs.

The stranger stopped and hissed nervously, "I am not interested at all in listening to your another pathetic twaddle..."

"No, wait! I... I just... well, ... thanks, Severus."

The teacher stood still and listened stiffly to the silence of the house, which was disturbed slightly by some blabbing of an old house-elf.

"Well, ya know." Sirius began uncertainly. "For my palm and so on."

The leaving guest turned very slowly and deliberately towards Sirius, who was now standing on the top of the stairs.

"Don't look like that! I really mean it!" Sirius exclaimed urgently, "Hah, I'm really sorry for those stupid insults, ok? You helped me quite quickly and effectively, so... I have to thank you. I just didn't realize it at the first moment, while it was just you, you know."

The teacher straightened and placed his gaze at some random place. "You are welcome." he murmured, his voice sounding thickly.

"I'm afraid I owe you this." sighed Sirius.

"I'm afraid you do." replied Severus indefinably.

A few moments of silence passed until Sirius spoke again, "Are you busy this evening?" he asked.

"I gues I'm not. Why do you ask?"

"I just thought you could join me... in some drinking." Sirius explained, looking curiously at his right palm.

Severus hesitated to answer the offer.

"C'mon, I promise I'll try to clean a bit up this hovel of mine!" said Sirius, raising his look and smirking.

"I'll think about it." Severus replied carefully after another long while.

Suddenly the whole house vibrated from a loud hoarse shriek of an old woman.

"It seems my dear mother has woken up." Sirius stated dryly. "I have to go."

"Then I wish you good luck. Give her my regards." said the leaving guest, smiling slightly. Then he turned and leaved.

"As you wish." replied Sirius, laughing a little as he turned around too.

**A. N.:** As I write in my profile, I'm not a native English speaker, so if you've found some mistakes, I'm afraid it's only natural.

Also I'm not certain if my description of Sirius' house was right, but it fitted quite good to my story (if you can take this as an apology).

Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this little story of mine. Recently I'm thinking about second chapter, but it depends strongly on your opinion, so please leave a review.

Thanks for reading, see ya next time!

**Another A.N.: **Well, dears, it seems you liked the story! I´m very glad for it and I really have to thank you for motivating reviews. Soooo... be aware, I´m preparing the second chapter! ;)


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